SIGNS YOU’VE FOUND A SKILLED HEALER
AND WHY YOU SHOULD HOLD OUT FOR THE RIGHT FIT
The world of alternative wellness is no different than any other skilled service field. You will find plenty of gifted qualified practitioners but before you start your search, there are a few things to know before you go.
The first thing to know is that relationship, empathy and the environment between the healer and the healed has a significant impact on healing outcomes. To paraphrase Dr. David Hamilton from his book Why Woo Woo Works - due to conditioning, we have become over focused on the ‘active ingredients’ in chemical medications and under focused on the ‘active ingredients’ in the healing process itself, namely the healing relationship. In most cases where clients/patients made significant recoveries, whether working with an alternative practitioner or a medical professional, it came down to how the client/patient felt emotionally during the process - were they heard? Did the practitioner/clinician take their time? Was the environment life affirming and relaxing? (Hamilton, 85)
One of the big bonuses of the vast offerings in the alternative wellness space is that it isn’t overly regulated, overly credentialed, overly insured and overly monitored. This means you often find healers who can take the proper time with you, listen, use the methods that work best for them, and draw from a vast deal of knowledge and tools both ancient and contemporary. That said, the other side of less of regulation is that the client is in a position of needing to research, ask for references and use their own intuition as they navigate the great sea of possibilities.
RED MEANS RUN
When I ask new clients during the pre-session interview if they have ever experienced a Reiki session the answer usually goes something like this, “ I think I had Reiki once a long time ago but I honestly don’t know if it was Reiki.”
My favorite answer came from a client, I’ll call her Jess, who responded, “ I think I had a Reiki session a year ago but I’m not sure.”
“You aren’t sure?” I asked.
“I was so confused,” she confided, “After the practitioner had me lay on the Reiki table she sat down across the room and started playing a drum and humming. She did this for nearly ten minutes. Then she began to dance around the room and chanted several things in another language that was not Japanese. She played a triangle and then she invited me to follow her on a journey into a forrest through a guided meditation. After that she tapped on my face a few times and she then asked me to start singing with her. I feel like she did a few minutes of beaming energy but not much.”
If you’ve had a traditional Reiki session I’m guessing you are as confused as I was. I explained to Jess that many of the things she mentioned come from different traditions of healing including shamanic healing, meditation, sound healing, meditative therapy, vocalization therapy and more. Her session may have been very healing but it is difficult to say whether it included any Reiki. This likely made Jess feel uncomfortable and for that reason may have made her healing experience less effective.
If your practitioner checks even ONE of these boxes you need to find a new practitioner.
THE SERVICE YOU RECEIVE IS NOT WHAT YOU EXPECTED OR AS ADVERTISED AND IT ISN’T A PLEASANT SURPRISE
To avoid confusion [the case above] a healer should call him/herself a “ Holistic Healer” or a similar general term rather than a Reiki Master, for example, if what they are doing is general eclectic healing OR they could design a service explanation that indicates Reiki is only a small part of the session to set expectations. Eclectic healing can be very powerful but the client needs to feel safe and respected. Clear communication helps create that.
HEALING SERVICES THAT INCLUDE COACHING OR COUNSELING WITH ENERGY HEALING: THE PRACTITIONER TALKS MORE THAN LISTENS, ESPECIALLY ABOUT THEMSELVES AND THINGS THAT ARE IRRELEVANT TO YOU/YOUR HEALING GOALS
A Healer is not a terminally-needing-to-vent-with-you, friend. You are paying for this session! Anything short of all about you is unacceptable. If they take a phone call (except in extreme emergency and then you should be refunded), if they talk about issues in their life expecting you to listen/worse help, any social back and forth that feels friendly (beyond ten minutes) should be initiated by you and for the purpose of furthering your healing; if not you need to move on and don’t be polite!
THE PRACTITIONER CROSSES YOUR BOUNDARIES IN ANY WAY
A boundary is a personal rule you have about your physical, mental or spiritual space. You are allowed to set any boundary you like whether others agree or not.
No means no! If a healer hugs you and you don’t like it say no. Communicate clearly and if they do it again or try to convince you it is necessary - run! This goes for any physical action no matter how small - even holding your hand requires permission.
Finally this is your healing session! If you don’t like their methods, their exercises etc. you are likely not a good fit for one another. Please don’t stay to be polite. A good healer wants you to find healing whether it be with them or someone else.
THE PRACTITIONER USES “NEGGING” TO GET YOU TO BUY MORE, START SERVICES, OR COME BACK FOR MORE SERVICES ETC.
A sure fire sign that someone is desperate for clients and is likely not skilled enough to provide what you need is a tactic called “negging”. This is where the ‘healer’ strikes fear, worry, doubt, guilt or other similar emotions into a potential client and then turns around and offers to fix that problem for you.
Ex: You are minding your own business at dinner with a friend when someone from the next table over smiles and says “ you have such a lovely smile, too bad there is so much sadness in those eyes - my name is Caroline (hands you card) I’m a wellness coach and I can help you have a bright smile back on your face all the time after just five coaching sessions.”
Worse yet, the “psychic reader” who catches your arm at the art and wine festival and says “Oh no! I see death in your future - yes - you must get a reading now, child.” [Run!] No intuitive with healing intentions would ever approach you like that.
THE SERVICE AREA IS NOT CLEAN, UNPROFESSIONAL, OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.
This one is pretty self explanatory when it comes to physical health but an unclean, unkempt, run down, work space shows far more about the healer than just the physical cleanliness of the space. It also suggests that the practitioner considers the job a side job, a hobby, lacks commitment to the practice, and more. If they would treat the healing space this way, what does that say about their commitment to you the client? Healing is not a hobby and should not be approached as such.
GREEN MEANS GO
YOUR PRACTITIONER IS ABLE TO HOLD SPACE FOR YOU AND YOUR HEALING PROCESS.
To hold space means to walk with someone on their journey with compassion, empathy and in a state of non-judgement. You should never feel “judged” by a healer. Empathy, validation and unconditional positive regard have proven to be a powerful boost to all healing. If these elements are not there try someone new. Whether a medical doctor or a wellness practitioner, how can you truly recover while feeling judged, experiencing low self-esteem or feeling humiliated?
YOUR PRACTITIONER USES A CLEAR CONTRACT FOR SERVICES AND WALKS YOU THROUGH WHAT TO EXPECT IN YOUR SESSIONS, INCLUDING ANSWERING ANY/ALL QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE.
Healing sessions often cost a fair bit of money. You should be very clear with the following BEFORE you receive services: (1) How much will it cost, (2) How many sessions are the minimum to see some results for your efforts, (3) What are the goals for your healing work and how will you know when you are seeing results, (4) How does the practitioner (or you the client in some cases) determine when you no longer need sessions? (5) Finally, whether the practitioner reports what they worked on during the session, at the end of a session they should be able to answer any questions you may have about what was worked on during your session if you ask.
Many practitioners do not take the time to do this and results for the client suffer and often lead to awkwardness and confusion about how to proceed and whether or not the healing is working.
YOUR PRACTITIONER IS GROUNDED, ETHICAL AND AN EMOTIONALLY STRONG SOUNDING BOARD.
If you share something traumatic with your healer and the person falls to the floor crying or has an extremely triggered reaction to your situation it is a sign that they are not in a place to help you. It could seem like they are showing empathy or validating you but extreme displays of emotion show the ‘healer’ is out of control of the situation and possibly not a professional you can count on to be objective and hold space for you. If you explain that your partner has been abusive and you tell a personal story of this nature, an appropriate response may be anything from validation “I’m so sorry this is happening to you” to concern “do you have somewhere safe to stay tonight”? This person is checking on your well being and no matter how sad they are they are, they are not crying because they are there for you ‘professionally’. If you share deeply personal information with a healer and then feel uncomfortable about how they handle that information it is time to move on.
YOUR PRACTITIONER TALKS TO YOU ABOUT GOALS FOR THE SESSION(S) AND THE TWO OF YOU SET A PLAN REGARDING HOW OFTEN SERVICES SHOULD HAPPEN.
Having goals and a general idea of where you are going is the only way to know when you get there. True, there may be some helpful surprises along the way (it is a journey after all) but the initial goals should at the least be showing progress after a set period of time. Be sure your practitioner can communicate these goals and check on progress over time. You should feel comfortable stopping services if you no longer need them.
REGARDING COUNSELING, COACHING SESSIONS OR HEALING SESSIONS THAT INCLUDE COUNSELING OR COACHING: LOOK FOR CO-CREATION RATHER THAN ADVICE GIVING OR LECTURING.
Remember that old saying that ends with “teach a person to fish and they will eat for a lifetime”? You want the healer her who teachers you to fish not the one one hands you a three course meal on a platter. You want healers and coaches who are going to co-create with you rather than giving too much advice “You should this” “You must that”. Ideally, you are the architect of your healing journey - your wellness- your journey - this is the best way for you to keep the results of your work long term.
Yes Healers are human but good ones are also professionals. If you follow some of these simple suggestions when choosing a Healer you will be able to find a practitioner who is a great fit and the result will be getting to your goal swiftly and safely.
Amethyst House Healing Services and Boutique was designed with the express intention to provide professional quality healing services from practitioners who adhere to the highest ethical standards, and wherever you go for your care, we want you to receive nothing less than the best!
